happy anniversary... to me.

well it has now officially been a year since i started with BeachBody's workouts (primarily Insanity). And I know i just posted a bunch of before and after pictures so you do get the deal there... but still... i love those moments of being able to look back on where i was, and then see how far i've come and how much better i am.

I get to see that in my kickboxing class (when i first started, lets face it, i suuuuuucked) and now i have a brown belt and (i think) am getting close to a black belt. It's been about a year and a half of hard work, dedication and practice, and its certainly paying off.

and because everything helps with everything else, being healthier over all by eating better, gaining muscle strength through Insanity as well, has also helped me in kickboxing - helped me pick up my speed, has increased my endurance, and my overall strength.

so this morning - after a couple weeks of sorta hit or miss with working out due to holiday schedules, having to work some extra hours in he office, and just some life stuff that came up - i decided to try a new workout. with the challenge i've been doing with my coach, Amy, a few months back i won a few extra Insanity dvds - Insane Abs (anextended and much harder version of Cardio Abs from the regular Insanity program), Max  Interval Sports Training (which is pretty much what it sounds like... Month 2 length *an hour* of inteeeeeeeeeeeeeeense sports training inspired exercises), and a strength training one (that uses dumbells at various weights - i need to buy heavier weights.... CANT BELIEVE I'M SAYING THAT!!!).

I've done the Insane Abs a few times and eventhough I hate working my abs (cuz it freakin hurts, y'all), I like it. It's a 30 minute workout for when I dont have time for a full Insanity workout. And you still are drenched in sweat after it. haha. ;-) Haven't been able to try the strength training one yet, because i need to buy heavier weights, but I'm looking forward to trying it.

This morning, however, I tried the Max Interval Sports Training. and Oh. My. Holy. Goodness. Remember how I was telling you, oh a long time ago, about how hard Month 2 was? heheheheheh. Okay, MIST is harder. But, unlike the first time of doing Month 2, I at least *tried* all the exercises. Some i couldn't do more than five reps, but I still tried. And when I'd get up, I honestly couldn't help but smile. It was like feeeeeeling your muscles getting ripped and feeling your six pack burning to the front. Kinda cool.

So that was today. Backtrack a few days, back to Christmas day.... For the first time I can remember  I felt great. I'd had a good night's sleep, My family was around, and I honestly felt like I looked good. Wasn't wearing anything special (I mean, other than the fact i had on skinny pants and a form fitting shirt), but it was like... wow, this is me. this is what a healthy me feels like! I LIKE IT!

And i really do. My goal for 2013? To feel like that all the time. To be able to walk around knowing that no, i'm not a sports model (yet. hehe), but I am healthy. I am young and strong and getting stronger every day. It makes a huge difference, people. So excited for what the next year of fitness will be like. I will be working more (hopefully) as a Beach Body coach and who knows.... maybe start teaching something :) :) :)

Reflections

November 2012 *with my awesome friend, Evelyn* 

So,

I've been thinking the past few days (dangerous, I know). And I realized that it's been about a year since I decided to really take this weight loss bull by the horns and wrestle it with all my might. It's been quite an incredible year, actually....

In my first post I talked about how I was convicted about New Years resolutions - how we make these grand plans for how we're going to improve our lives for the next year, but never actually do any of those things. The next year rolls around and we haven't changed one lousy bit.

I am so thankful to say that when I hit December 31 this year... I will not look back with regret. I will not look back wishing I'd stuck to those plans. I will not be discouraged by  how little I've done and now no progress has been made.

This year has been a good year. No, I havent come as far as I wanted. No, I'm not done yet. But yes, I have made progress.

I now have two (and a quarter) rounds of Insanity under my belt where a year ago I barely exercised at all. I can honestly say that the vast majority of days this year I HAVE been faithful to workout in the morning. I HAVE been faithful to eat well (though I still can improve). And I HAVE increased my strength, stamina, health, body image, and physique.

Hey, it's a small thing... but I was excited when I was at the grocery store the other day getting a turkey for today (Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!) and I could pull a 22 lb turkey out from the bottom of the bin - out from under other 17, 18, and 19 lb turkeys - with ONE hand! Booyah. Last year, I could barely get the 18 lb-er out with *both* hands.

Yes, I'm a bit of a dork. But yes, I did stand in the grocery store and do a few bicep curls with the 22 lb turkey. Laugh if you want. It was fun. And pretty dang cool to see that kind of visible improvement.

Another part that's interesting... while I'm "shrinking" and having to get smaller clothes, there is one aspect that's challenging..... sleeves. Due to the masses of pushups required in Insanity (plus the intense dumbell routine we go through at every kickboxing class), my biceps no longer fit well in sleeves. I've had to buy larger shirts and take them in at the waist just in order for my *cough* guns to fit inside.

Nevertheless, I decided last week to do a photoshoot with my sister (yes, this year I have been comfortable to get IN FRONT of the camera. It's quite a change...). So... now we're going to delve into deep, dark history, and pull some "before" and "afters" (cuz I know you all loooove that). And really... feel honored. We're going back to a few years ago... back to the kids of pictures that most ppl would say.... NO! don't put that online! I look fat!

my 18th birthday - 2009 

senior photos 2009

"refrigerator model" at a friends' wedding in 2010

birthday photo 2010

spring formal 2010

brother's wedding 2010

Father's Day 2011

July 2011

October 2011

Thanksgiving 2011 (ONE YEAR AGO!!!) 

April 2012

May 2012

June 2012 - My 21 birthday - check out the difference from 2009 (yikes!)

July 2012

September 2012

September 2012 

September 2012

September 2012

November 2012

November 20, 2012 

November 20, 2012

November 20, 2012 *I actually have BICEPS!* 

 As I said before, still a distance to go. But um, hello! I'm so happy with how far I've come already. Can't wait to see what the next year holds!

Third Time's the Charm!

So turns out that that old saying, that I always found annoying, actually has an element of truth to it!

This is my third round of Insanity and this was my FIRST time making it through all three sets of the warm up!

Yeah, I know. It sounds lame. But really. It's not. Think 10 minutes of full speed ahead cardio - to you runners out there, imagine a 10 minute sprint. wheeeee! it's tough, but I'm excited to know that I could actually make it through!! I was a bit more tired through the rest of the routine, but making it through one milestone was definitely worth it! Now to just keep up that wining streak AND be able to continue strong through the rest of the workout!

OWN IT! :) :) :)

Because I Forgot

I realized that I never posted pictures from my Diamond Head hike (eventhough I said I would).

Sooooo here they are :)

headed into the state park

starting the looong hike

first stop

breathe. just breathe. 

not even halfway up... but exhausted. 

some random person offered to take a picture. yay me. about to tackle the first set of 73 stairs. 

the tuuuunnnnelllll 

that, way down there, is the parking lot where we started. and i had my camera zoomed in as far as it would go. 

at the top!! 

I made it!

looots of staairs. i hate stairs. 

but the view was worth it. 

 

in every direction. 

another random person offered to take a picture on the way down. 

Bam! 

Insanity biceps. 

 

the second set of 90+ stairs that i forgot to take a picture of on the way up. i wanted to cry. 

but we conquered and lived to fight another day. 

Back on Grid

Okay, wow, I've been totally off the grid for a couple months now. Oooops. You can tell I'm so great at blogging :-P

So these past two months "off" from Insanity have involved lots of hiking and running. Yes, that's it. Running. I hate running. Always have, but also have always known that it was good for me. Also, for the past few months, I've been in a "challenge group" with my coach, Amy, and a few other dedicated ladies who are committed to changing their lives and their health. It's a 90 day challenge where we hold each other accountable to exercise, eat right, drink enough water, and get enough sleep. It's also a place where we can encourage one another and celebrate in each other's victories.

These first 60 days have been super encouraging! Not a huge amount of "weight loss" yet (hey, but 5 lbs is something!), but more working towards a healthier lifestyle in general. My accountability partner checks with me daily to see how I've been eating (because, face it folks, the majority of the battle is fought IN THE KITCHEN not in the gym), whether I went for a run, and how much water I've been drinking (another huuuuuge factor). She's basically awesome, and having somebody there, other than a family member, to keep me on track has been incredibly helpful (and pretty much guilts me into actually working out every day. funny how that works.... lol).

So now that it's getting cold again, and running outside literally will bring tears to my eyes, my sister and I have decided to start Insanity again. Third time's the charm, right??? :) We did the Fit Test yesterday and I was really pleased with the results. Some of the sets I had *higher* reps on than I did the *last* Fit Test. I was amazed. And definitely encouraged. This was also the first "first" Fit Test that I didn't get nauseous right around Globe Jumps/Suicides. Again, very encouraging.

For the next two months (haha, hopefully we'll actually be able to complete it in the two months), we'll be on the Insanity schedule, but I'll also implement running on MWF as I dont want to lose ground there either. I'll be keeping my distances shorter, as I dont want to overpound my body with working out, but will try to get my speed up instead.

So yeah, there it is. Updates! Will be sharing some exciting news and maybe a picture or two in the next few days!! :)

God and I Climbed a Volcano

So... Today God and I climbed a volcano.

Yeah, it's true. And it was awesome (pictures will be coming shortly). It was by far the hardest hike I've ever done and the hardest physical exertion I've done in a long time. Going into it, I was nervous, but I thought that after two rounds of Insanity and a lot of physical activity in general, I'd be just fine. Ha. I was wrong. This hike was, by far, one of the most humbling fitness experiences of my life.

I'm on a trip to Hawaii visiting a friend, and decided that the one thing I HAD to do before leaving was hike some sort of volcano. Just so I could say I had (yeah, I'm weird and stubborn like that). Turns out the only option on Oahu was Diamond Head. Being the fitness challenge conquering junkie that I am, I insisted that we do this. As the time to get out there got closer, I could feel myself getting more nervous. I looked at photos, read articles, and several times considered just taking the drive up option to the look out.

But no. I had to climb it. I'd told myself that I would climb to the top of a volcano, and gosh golly, I now HAD to do it.

So off we went. We pulled into the parking lot and while looking up at the enormous mountain in front of us (with an indiscernible trail off in the distance) a huge lump formed in my throat and my stomach started churning.

What the heck had I gotten myself into????? I looked over at my friend and we both said, "We're crazy!" And yeah. We pretty much were.

 I'd been on the trial for a grand total of about five minutes when I could feel my heart pumping really fast and my breathing was picking up. We were still on the sidewalk.

A steep sidewalk it was, but we hadn't even made it to the official hiking trail yet. By the time we got to the rocky trail (maybe a quarter of a mile in) I was already breathing hard and my forehead and back were almost dripping in sweat.

We started climbing up the steep trail (yeah, despite what you may read from other articles... this is NOT a moderate trail. I hike in Virginia on the Appalachian trail... that is a moderate trail... this, heck to the no). Within minutes (maybe 4?) I had a hard time breathing and stopped at the first lookout to "take pictures" (i.e., catch my breath and give my already burning hamstrings and calves a rest while conveniently snapping a few shots). There were many a more stop like this along the way.

And then came the stairs.

Omigoodness, I thought I was going to die. Struggling to breathe, legs burning, stomach a little queasy, and drenched in sweat, I stared up at a steep set of 74 steps (yes, I counted). By the time I reached the top and looked at the uphill tunnel I had to walk through, I felt like my legs were going to give out and I was gasping for breath (and yes, I do realize this may sound easy peasy to some of you - but trust me, it wasn't). It was incredibly humbling (ahem, I do not it's a tough hike cuz there were tons of obviously fit and strong people around me talking about how this was a lot harder than they'd expected. So there. Not just me).

At the end of the tunnel, there was a more designated lookout with a few benches. For a while now, I could feel that my shoes had been rubbing against my feet in a bad way (yeah, I brought the wrong shoes), and could also feel something damp inside my shoe that was definitely NOT sweat. So I sat down for a minute, pulled off my shoe to reveal a bit of a bloody mess. I'd rubbed quite a lovely scrape down the side of my foot that was bleeding and rather painful.

Between the heat, the dehydration (I'd not-so-smartly sent the water on ahead with my beastly friend who was quite a ways ahead of me on the trail), and now seeing the unexpected predicament of my foot, my stomach almost completely gave out. I sat there for a few minutes, with my head hanging, just trying not to throw up. And I admit, I was pretty shocked.

I mean, seriously? I'd made it through Insanity twice, and intense kickboxing class two times a week, and occasionally hiking in the mountains near my house. Though I still have weight to loose, I'm a FIT, ACTIVE, and STRONG person. And I was going to get beat halfway up this trail? Seriously?

There was a rather intense mental battle that went on in my head during those few minutes. My body was telling me to give up. I'd made it up quite a ways and still had a spectacular view; my foot was bleeding, my heart-rate still hadn't come down that much, I was severely dehydrated, and I was dripping (yes, literally) in sweat. I should be proud. Take the "E" for effort and go back down, find some water, and lay down in the grass somewhere until my stomach settled down. Besides, I looked around the corner and saw the dreaded 90 more steps up the mountain that would take me to the yet steeper last bit of trail to the lookout. I wanted to cry. No way could I face that. It was physically painful just to think about it.

But then the stubborn Irish-German-Jew spirit kicked in and I knew that if I didn't finish, I'd regret it. This would be a goal left unchecked and more than anything, I'd be disappointed that this giant pile of rock had beaten me. I'd made a commitment to myself - I wanted to finish. At that moment, more than anything else I needed to prove to myself that even when I was physically exhausted, in pain, and had no mental or emotional energy to keep going, digging deeper and pushing through to the finish line would produce great results. I sat there and prayed for a few more minutes.

"Lord, you know there is no way I can do this. I have no physical strength left. But You've given me the opportunity to come here and I believe I'm supposed to finish. You've got something for me up there at the top and I want it!"

And He did. Though probably not the smartest decision given my physical state, I stood back up (though quite shaky still) and made my way up the horrendous stairs. Every step was a battle, but with every step I was that much closer to finishing and was that much closer to saying "I DID IT!" 

Each step was taken with a prayer under my breath. Pretty much all I could mutter was "God, please just help me make it to the top. Just to the top." Glory to Him, I finally did make it up to the lookout where dozens of other exhausted, sweaty, and panting hikers stood.

The view was breathtaking and as soon as I saw it, I forgot what a horrible time it had been getting up there. I was still in pain, still exhausted, still a nasty, sweaty mess; but it didn't matter anymore. I'd finished the race. I was standing on top of a dormant volcano looking down on a virtual beach paradise in one direction and a hauntingly beautiful mountain range in the other. Speechless at the beauty of Creation, I leaned back against a railing in utter amazement.

After spending 10 or so minutes taking in the beauty, I headed back down the trail to meet back up with my friend who had tried to come back down to meet me in my sorry, bleeding state. By then, adrenaline was pumping and I was totally psyched that God had pushed me past that point of wanting to give up and had rewarded me with one of the most beautiful sights I'd ever seen (again, pictures soon to come).

Through that 45 minutes, I was being tested. Pushed to the max of my physical capabilities, and on the verge of giving up entirely, God was showing me that without Him, I really can't do this. I can't get healthy without Him. But now I can say..... God and I climbed a volcano! Booyah!

Defining

Don't really have much to say today... We'll be wrapping up Insanity this week at which point I will be going on a trip to this amazing place for a week break (where yes, I will have to be wearing a swimsuit. OMG!).

When I get back I'll be starting training with running, keeping on kickboxing, and practicing on the new punching bag!

What I've got to say today is on an entirely different thought process.... While at work today, I heard this song on Pandora that really pierced my mind. I don't know how many of you who read this are Christians (I AM!), but this song is true regardless of your religious beliefs. It talks about how our reflection in a literal mirror does not, and CANNOT define us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYd8bVIgZo8

Once we allow our focus to shift to the mirror's definition of us, rather than Gods, we get into a sticky mess. Yeah, it's very cliche to say things like "you're beautiful no matter what!" or "it's what's on the inside that matters!"

Both of these things are true. Very true. But I always found them hard to hear and even harder to believe. It always felt like people were just being nice when they'd say things like "you're beautiful on the inside and out!" because it was like.... um, okay. yeah right. we both know I'm overweight, so stop pretending that it's not a problem.

These past few months I've been able to actually put my feelings into words as I've realized that I don't want to be healthy and fit just so that others will look at me and say, "Wow, you've lost weight, haven't you?" or "Guuurl, you look good!" (though it would certainly be nice). It's not about what others say or think about me. It's about what my heavenly Father thinks of me and how I represent Him as the Temple He has created me to be. For years and years, I've had a negative view of my body  and what it could or could not do, what cute clothes it could or could not fit into, how good or bad it looked in pictures.

I've realized that this attitude is a problem. Not because it's wrong to be dissatisfied when we are unhealthy and overweight. Not because it's wrong to desire health and wholeness. But because not only is this attitude a form of self-mental abuse, but it's also a slap in the face to my Creator. Essentially saying, "You didn't do a good enough job on me. I need to fix it."

Just as much for you as for me.... He didn't do a bad job. He didn't make a mistake. He didn't hardwire something wrong. He didn't give you a slower metabolism because He felt like being mean to you. He didn't give you a different body structure from the models on the runway because He likes them better than us. He created us exactly as He intended so that we would work through these struggles through His strength rather than our own.

He's the one who defines us. And He does it like this.....

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

I'm not interested in preaching. Don't do it well. Never have. Probably never will. What I am interested in, is seeing women set free from the mentality that their worth and value comes from what they see in the mirror or from the number stitched into the back of their dresses. The one and only reason to strive for health, wholeness, and fitness is so that we can represent the King to the best of our ability. Does that mean we do it best when a size (insert ideal weight here) or at (insert weight) lbs? Maybe. But for some, we most  glorify Him when we get up daily, look ourselves in that false-defining mirror and say... He is good TODAY. When we acknowledge that though we have work to do to get to a healthy place, we are still VALUED and LOVED.

I struggle. A lot. Like, A LOT a lot. I'm not at my prime health. I've got a long way to go. But more than I want the health, or the number to read what I want on the scale, or the pant size to drop, I the knowledge that my worth and value comes from a gentle and loving Father. Even if I were 350 lbs, a size 27, and having to be carted around in a wheelchair because I couldn't walk on my own - I would be no less valued.

I'll take His definition over the mirror's any day!

New Blog Post!

Ha. Yeah that is the grand extent of my genius for today. I know I'm due for a new post, but there isn't really much to post about. Insanity rocks on, is super exhausting, but super awesome.

Pretty much the only thing of remote interest that I could think of was my awesome Beach Body coach, AMY, has been talking to me a lot about becoming a coach myself. While the notion truly terrifies me (because I am so inadequate), I'm really giving it some thought. I'm certainly not the buffest, healthiest, or most fit and trim person you will ever meet. But there's one thing that I do have that I'm trying to help instill in others..... a deep, passionate desire for health and an unwillingness to settle for anything less.

It's been a hard journey. A REALLY hard journey. I'm not done yet. There is still a long way to go. But I'm getting there. Slowly, for sure, but still surely.

That being said, I will be seriously considering signing up as a BB coach and then seeing where things are supposed to go from there! I maaaay still hold out until after graduation in December, but we'll see. Eventhough I may not do it all perfectly (or even well), there's nothing I'd like more than to be able to help other people get motivated to take their lives back; to help them see that no matter their fitness level (or lack thereof) their life doesn't have to just stay the same way. They don't have to be a couch potato forever just because they don't know what to do. That's why we're made to learn.

I'm excited at the potential to talk with people, to encourage them, and to even walk the journey right along with them. It's a scary thought... but perhaps the final push I need to really make this thing work!

In the meanwhile, I leave you with the most recent "after" pics that I took yesterday (again, in the office waiting for my comp to start up). Whohoo. Not a lot of difference - loose size 10 pants with a size M tank... and look I have a (sorta) bicep/tricep! *happy dance*

^^p.s. just sayin... my hand is holding my scarf, *not* pushing my stomach in. haha^^