Don't really have much to say today... We'll be wrapping up Insanity this week at which point I will be going on a trip to this amazing place for a week break (where yes, I will have to be wearing a swimsuit. OMG!).
When I get back I'll be starting training with running, keeping on kickboxing, and practicing on the new punching bag!
What I've got to say today is on an entirely different thought process.... While at work today, I heard this song on Pandora that really pierced my mind. I don't know how many of you who read this are Christians (I AM!), but this song is true regardless of your religious beliefs. It talks about how our reflection in a literal mirror does not, and CANNOT define us.
Once we allow our focus to shift to the mirror's definition of us, rather than Gods, we get into a sticky mess. Yeah, it's very cliche to say things like "you're beautiful no matter what!" or "it's what's on the inside that matters!"
Both of these things are true. Very true. But I always found them hard to hear and even harder to believe. It always felt like people were just being nice when they'd say things like "you're beautiful on the inside and out!" because it was like.... um, okay. yeah right. we both know I'm overweight, so stop pretending that it's not a problem.
These past few months I've been able to actually put my feelings into words as I've realized that I don't want to be healthy and fit just so that others will look at me and say, "Wow, you've lost weight, haven't you?" or "Guuurl, you look good!" (though it would certainly be nice). It's not about what others say or think about me. It's about what my heavenly Father thinks of me and how I represent Him as the Temple He has created me to be. For years and years, I've had a negative view of my body and what it could or could not do, what cute clothes it could or could not fit into, how good or bad it looked in pictures.
I've realized that this attitude is a problem. Not because it's wrong to be dissatisfied when we are unhealthy and overweight. Not because it's wrong to desire health and wholeness. But because not only is this attitude a form of self-mental abuse, but it's also a slap in the face to my Creator. Essentially saying, "You didn't do a good enough job on me. I need to fix it."
Just as much for you as for me.... He didn't do a bad job. He didn't make a mistake. He didn't hardwire something wrong. He didn't give you a slower metabolism because He felt like being mean to you. He didn't give you a different body structure from the models on the runway because He likes them better than us. He created us exactly as He intended so that we would work through these struggles through His strength rather than our own.
He's the one who defines us. And He does it like this.....
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
I'm not interested in preaching. Don't do it well. Never have. Probably never will. What I am interested in, is seeing women set free from the mentality that their worth and value comes from what they see in the mirror or from the number stitched into the back of their dresses. The one and only reason to strive for health, wholeness, and fitness is so that we can represent the King to the best of our ability. Does that mean we do it best when a size (insert ideal weight here) or at (insert weight) lbs? Maybe. But for some, we most glorify Him when we get up daily, look ourselves in that false-defining mirror and say... He is good TODAY. When we acknowledge that though we have work to do to get to a healthy place, we are still VALUED and LOVED.
I struggle. A lot. Like, A LOT a lot. I'm not at my prime health. I've got a long way to go. But more than I want the health, or the number to read what I want on the scale, or the pant size to drop, I the knowledge that my worth and value comes from a gentle and loving Father. Even if I were 350 lbs, a size 27, and having to be carted around in a wheelchair because I couldn't walk on my own - I would be no less valued.
I'll take His definition over the mirror's any day!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
New Blog Post!
Ha. Yeah that is the grand extent of my genius for today. I know I'm due for a new post, but there isn't really much to post about. Insanity rocks on, is super exhausting, but super awesome.
Pretty much the only thing of remote interest that I could think of was my awesome Beach Body coach, AMY, has been talking to me a lot about becoming a coach myself. While the notion truly terrifies me (because I am so inadequate), I'm really giving it some thought. I'm certainly not the buffest, healthiest, or most fit and trim person you will ever meet. But there's one thing that I do have that I'm trying to help instill in others..... a deep, passionate desire for health and an unwillingness to settle for anything less.
It's been a hard journey. A REALLY hard journey. I'm not done yet. There is still a long way to go. But I'm getting there. Slowly, for sure, but still surely.
That being said, I will be seriously considering signing up as a BB coach and then seeing where things are supposed to go from there! I maaaay still hold out until after graduation in December, but we'll see. Eventhough I may not do it all perfectly (or even well), there's nothing I'd like more than to be able to help other people get motivated to take their lives back; to help them see that no matter their fitness level (or lack thereof) their life doesn't have to just stay the same way. They don't have to be a couch potato forever just because they don't know what to do. That's why we're made to learn.
I'm excited at the potential to talk with people, to encourage them, and to even walk the journey right along with them. It's a scary thought... but perhaps the final push I need to really make this thing work!
In the meanwhile, I leave you with the most recent "after" pics that I took yesterday (again, in the office waiting for my comp to start up). Whohoo. Not a lot of difference - loose size 10 pants with a size M tank... and look I have a (sorta) bicep/tricep! *happy dance*
Pretty much the only thing of remote interest that I could think of was my awesome Beach Body coach, AMY, has been talking to me a lot about becoming a coach myself. While the notion truly terrifies me (because I am so inadequate), I'm really giving it some thought. I'm certainly not the buffest, healthiest, or most fit and trim person you will ever meet. But there's one thing that I do have that I'm trying to help instill in others..... a deep, passionate desire for health and an unwillingness to settle for anything less.
It's been a hard journey. A REALLY hard journey. I'm not done yet. There is still a long way to go. But I'm getting there. Slowly, for sure, but still surely.
That being said, I will be seriously considering signing up as a BB coach and then seeing where things are supposed to go from there! I maaaay still hold out until after graduation in December, but we'll see. Eventhough I may not do it all perfectly (or even well), there's nothing I'd like more than to be able to help other people get motivated to take their lives back; to help them see that no matter their fitness level (or lack thereof) their life doesn't have to just stay the same way. They don't have to be a couch potato forever just because they don't know what to do. That's why we're made to learn.
I'm excited at the potential to talk with people, to encourage them, and to even walk the journey right along with them. It's a scary thought... but perhaps the final push I need to really make this thing work!
In the meanwhile, I leave you with the most recent "after" pics that I took yesterday (again, in the office waiting for my comp to start up). Whohoo. Not a lot of difference - loose size 10 pants with a size M tank... and look I have a (sorta) bicep/tricep! *happy dance*
^^p.s. just sayin... my hand is holding my scarf, *not* pushing my stomach in. haha^^
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